There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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