you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Randomize
