It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
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