Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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