I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Randomize
