I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I am one with the molecules
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
