i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
