Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Randomize
