That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Randomize
