my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Randomize
