I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Randomize
