If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
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