Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Randomize
