I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
