I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
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