And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
he shaved USA in his pubs
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Randomize
