omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
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