Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
