i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Randomize
