Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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