you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
