Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Randomize
