I am full of burrito and curiosity
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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