dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Randomize
