If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Randomize
