It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
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