OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
