why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
