so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
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