so explain again why im purple
no
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
