Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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