UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
