She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
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