yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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