You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Randomize
