I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
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