Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
