I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
meet me or not, i'm out of control
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
