I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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