I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Randomize
