I'm really into asian looking animals
Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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