So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
