he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
You dont lie about slip and slides
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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