i think i have two assholes
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
