I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
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