If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
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