Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
