I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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