3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
