No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
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