so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Don't EVER smell your tampon
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
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