Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Randomize
