i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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