dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
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