Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Drunk is not a location!
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Randomize
