I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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