I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Randomize
