You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
