community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
