just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
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