Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Randomize
