he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
