Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Randomize
