the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
