i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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