Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Randomize
