I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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