i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
