Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
Randomize
