I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
