I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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