Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
