If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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