The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Randomize