if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
