I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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