I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Randomize
