Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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