People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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