Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
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