I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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