i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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