I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Randomize
