I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
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