"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Randomize
