Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Randomize
